Just when I thought that this was beginning to feel like some futile endeavor, Quad City DJ’s “C’Mon N Ride It (The Train)” started playing on my headphones and I couldn’t help but start humping my couch and raising my elbows up and down. Quad City DJ’s “C’Mon N Ride It (The Train)” Regardless of how you feel about Puerto Rico’s supposedly now-imminent statehood (cue sitcom laugh track), “I Like It Like That” definitely didn’t help the cause back in 1997. And I can’t say that the memories are pleasant. Look, I’m sure “I Like it Like That” is still a party anthem at that relative’s quinceañera who you’ve never even met, but back then this was the “party de marquesina” banger. And to be honest, I’m sure I gave my honorable patronage to Burger King back in the nineties, much to the chagrin of my parents, because those Whoppers really “ got soul”. I’m honestly still aghast over who’s idea was it to mesh Conjunto Salsa with some generic four to the floor bear. Didn’t they pay Garbage royalties for this one? And conversely, didn’t Hayley Williams steal Samantha Marie Sprackling’s look? Rank: Almond-crusted.
Going back to it, I wouldn’t mind adding this one on my nineties grunge playlist tucked between " Pennyroyal Tea" and Eve Plum’s "I Want It All." But it still confounds me - did this one really inspire you to “Be like Mike"? The fact that it’s way, way up on the track list proves they felt quite confident on including this one. My sister used to play this track so much, and though I grew tired of it back then because it wasn’t alt enough, I always had a secret love for it. Still, credit where it’s due: if it weren’t for them I’m sure that the Eurovision song contest would only exist in Conchita Wurst’s most flamboyant dreams. But really, I’m sure you didn’t remember that trumpet riff until I reminded you of it, when at least with “Ready for This” there’s that painful keyboard riff that will stick with you until you meet your fate after eating far too many cocktail shrimp. And really, “Tribal Dance” was like an enhanced “Get Ready for This” (featured on Volume 1) but with higher production values and one too many historically-innacurate waist-cloths. Even if the Belgian mega project wrote some of the most absurdly garish tracks to ever grace the Billboard charts, it’s hard to contest that 2 Unlimited were unabashedly proud of their redundant techno pop. I immediately noticed that the producers of Jock Jams were reaching when “Tribal Dance” started playing on my headphones. And besides, it’s really hard to top the indisputable champion of catchphrases, “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble”. But as far as quotes that are meant to get you into the spirit of the game, then “It’s Awesome Baby” is more so an endearing “aw shucks” remembrance of Vitale’s silly pre-game antics than a rousing fist-pumper. The sports broadcaster is practically an American institution, and it’s really not his fault that each one of these compilations starts with some sort of ubiquitous catchphrase that reflects the core values of this country more than an All You Can Eat Salad Bar at Sizzler. Look, I don’t want to be the one who hates on Dick Vitale. So in the long tradition of classic finger food, I thought the only way to approach each awesome cut in here was to classify them by that oh-so-important ingredient that can make or break that exhilarating Sunday afternoon: chicken wing sauces. In trying to determine how good these tracks really are, I thought it'd be just to rank these arena-pumping hits by how flavorful they truly, truly are.
JOCK JAMS VOLUME 4 PLAYLIST SERIES
Arugably speaking, Jock Jams Volume 3 is a fierce competitior in a series that didn't miss a beat with its vast array of trashy Euro hits and witless hip hop jams. But what do you make of the delightful Jock Jams series, a collection of 5 volumes that shamelessly existed with the sole purpose of blasting the boombox to get you into the groove after watching some good ol' American football (I guess the English like their fútbol so I'm trying to make compromises here). Please to Meet Me ain't no Tim, Tusk is nowhere near as succesful as Rumours, and everyone knows that every Yes album is one big transition.